His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
