i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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