Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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