If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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