Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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