i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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