oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
