My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
