After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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