Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
