No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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