They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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