Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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