He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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