Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I looked at my own cervix.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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