look no pants
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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