Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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