SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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