so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
