Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
