The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
