I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
