They should really pass out barf bags in church
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
