oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
