Plan B is the new Plan A
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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