Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW

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(626): View more from California

I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.

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(719): View more from Colorado

It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.

Fav 0 85 6
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