apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
