Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
