I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
