Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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