i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
