I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
