Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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