When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
