Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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