Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize