i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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