At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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