my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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