dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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