He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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