**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
