she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize