just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
COCAINE IS GR8
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
