If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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