I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
