So drunk its hurt
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
