I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
