hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize