I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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