Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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