just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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