This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
