I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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