I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
