I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sober January is a disaster.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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