I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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