maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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