I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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