I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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