I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
