i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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