All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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