I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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