btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
