is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
