just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize