Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
