Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
