She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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