Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
