Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
