Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my poor anus
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
