I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
