Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
