Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
