she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
