My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
