I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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