He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
