She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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