lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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