Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
