For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
