Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
