This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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