And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
