don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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