What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
