Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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