Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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