those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
