Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
