how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
