I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
