Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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