ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
