His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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