did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
