I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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