My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How does one acquire holy water?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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