Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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