What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
