Don't you send me to vm
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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