i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
