remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
