first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude. I can hear the air.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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