Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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