We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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