dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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